Once the veil was lifted our fellowship began and, as I got to know the many facets of fear, I developed the ability to see it in others. In time, I came to peace with fright emerging in my stomach in the face of unknown. I recognized that it was a trademark of being human rather than what derived from the experience: fear keeps us moving forward.
Without freezing when my own anxiety draws closer to greet me, a sense of identity emerged and I discovered that I am amongst those who will never quite know who they are.
Some of us have anchored characters and some, like me, act as chameleons of experience. Still, every now and again I like to take a peek over my fence.
(Part IV – The End)
Read part I, part II and part III
Following the trail of curiosity about the character of my brawny automatic pilot, I started to descend into the secrets behind a person’s behaviour. What I found at the end of the road filled with trial, unease and bewilderment was fear, or rather, a myriad of them in a rainbow-like sequence – fear of inadequacy, fear of not knowing, fear of survival, fear of not fitting in, and on a pedestal amongst them, the king: fear of death.
Deeply embedded in my self-image were lies that made up a frail spider-web of certainty, shielding me from coming face to face with fears that resided within.
(Part III – to be continued)
Read part I and part II
I am not sure how it all came about but I took notice as it turned into a poke in the eye. Opinions I was hearing myself say in various conversations had little in common, other than me proving that I was certain about myself and the world.
It is not that I had an agenda to lie; I wasn’t consciously trying to hide or alter anything about myself. Yet, every now and then I was finding myself talking – all the more, defending certain beliefs – while on the inside wondering: WHY am I saying this?
The spider-web of human desire for certainty…
(Part II – to be continued)
Read Part I here
Many people don’t know who they are.
Then there are those who are married to established ideas of themselves and attached to others.
Majority of us, whatever our fitting on identity scale, spends the days hunting for chains, ropes and spider webs to get tangled in.
You see, in the 21st century on Earth, not being certain or at least pretending about who we are is a sin that echoes with being a loser…
(Part I – to be continued)