Now there is silence; convincing, dense.
A roadblock of dread: anxieties on what’s to come fueled by wrongs of times past. Next to the lumpy heap on sunless asphalt rests actuality and its plain might flees our naked eyes.
A playback of thoughts doesn’t still. Time drips like wax on flame.
Adrift in wakeful ages, I can’t locate the exit from the state of stand-by. Again and again, providence mulls if past our barricade awaits a second chance.
When nervousness speaks volumes
It can, like a murky fog,
Hide the truth of the hearts.
When stakes are sky high
Bridges that reshape confines of reality
Often remain unbuilt.
When shared depths instigate fright
Stubborn silence, revealing all of God’s glory,
Marks the end before the start.
Following the trail of curiosity about the character of my brawny automatic pilot, I started to descend into the secrets behind a person’s behaviour. What I found at the end of the road filled with trial, unease and bewilderment was fear, or rather, a myriad of them in a rainbow-like sequence – fear of inadequacy, fear of not knowing, fear of survival, fear of not fitting in, and on a pedestal amongst them, the king: fear of death.
Deeply embedded in my self-image were lies that made up a frail spider-web of certainty, shielding me from coming face to face with fears that resided within.
(Part III – to be continued)
Read part I and part II